PONDERINGS FROM THE ETERNAL NOW

April 2004

Dearest Friends,

This month I’ve decided to share with you what I’ve come to call my gift of tears. As I write this, we are still in the season of Lent and await the seasons of spring, new life and Resurrection.

My story of the gift of tears began in the wee morning hours of September 5, 2003. Jackie and I left Ardeth behind a locked cell door in Oklahoma City, OK. We realized it was probably the last time we would all be together for a few years.

What is this gift of tears? It is tears that come easily and unexpected. Tears at various times and places. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, and tears of joy mingled with tears of sorrow. Tears have come  when:

• A herd of deer feeds at our back window

• Listening to the desperate voices of women calling home

• The foothills of these mountains immersed in fog, mist, and low clouds

• One wakes to a winter wonderland and snow sits heavy on the branches

• Mother and child are united in a visiting room

• Harsh words are exchanged between prisoners

• A pileated woodpecker is so close one can almost touch it, watching it peck a hole in a rotten tree and finding the grubs

• Listening in the early morning dark to stories on BBC and NPR

• A crocus blooms

• Hearing stories of unjust sentences because of mandatory minimums

• Letters from around the world filled with grace and wisdom

• Guards intimidate and demean

• A tufted Titmouse pecks for food

• Letters arrive with news of friends with cancer or notices of death

• Full moons

• Listening to stories of incest, abuse, and addiction

• A song at Church

• Walking these prison grounds and reflecting on the wisdom of the trees and the peacemakers who walked these same paths and left part of their spirits

I sometimes feel when I leave prison it is the only gift I’ll have to bring you – this gift of tears. And, maybe that’s OK. Maybe, that’s the gift the world most needs.

Speaking of tears, I want to share with you “National Wash the Flag Day,” June 14. Wash the pain and the shame from our flag. Wash away the stains of racism, sexism, classism, violence, criminalization, environmental injustice, blind patriotism, imperialism, militarism, deception, oppression, corporate greed and materialism. For more information e-mail  spirithouse@aol.com.

The good news is that I finished my first scarf on the loom for the nursing home and my first ever knitted child’s sweater for local social services.

The doctor has put me on a statin (ZORCOR) for my cholesterol which has sky rocketed. I’m sure in part due to diet – prison food.

My teeth were cleaned after 8 months which was gift as I suffer from gum problems. They are always cleaned every 3-4 months.

I’ll close with this quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “What then is your duty? What the day demands.”

My heart overflows with gratitude for each of you.

Deepest love,
Carol

P.S. We welcome as gift to the world Amos Philip Mechtenberg-Berrigan, the first born of Molly and Jerry and first grandchild of Liz McAlister and the late Philip Berrigan.