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Ponderings from the Eternal Now

June 2005 #23

 

Dearest friends,

Where do I begin? I've only been out of prison a week and it feels like a lifetime. I'm a bit overwhelmed. Life is fast and intense.

The two most noticeable changes for me are the silence and the food. The silence, especially at bed-time is so profound that it feels like I've lost my hearing. The food has color, smell and taste. The shades of green, red, yellow and brown continue to amaze me. My meals look like pictures in the magazines!

In 2 ½ years the changes in technology, that now so many possess is clearly evident. Almost everyone carries a cell phone (NY Times writes 1 out of 2 Am ericans) and even shopping carts get their own escalators! I need to learn our computer so don't look for results any time soon from me.

The welcome home celebration was magnificent! The Jonah House Community, Viva House Catholic Worker and the P.Francis Murphy Justice and Peace Initiative provided a grand reentry. I can never thank these people enough as each of them fills their days to the brim and then some.

Over 300 people came and many sent cards, e-mails or phone calls to welcome me home. Friends came from CA, NM, MI, up and down the East coast and of course my dear friend Ardeth called me bright and early Tuesday 6 a.m. for 15 minutes!

The past week has been a myriad of appointments from hair-dresser, eye doctor, medical doctor and soon to be dentist.

I reported to the MD Federal Probation office on Wednesday and discovered I have two probation officers. One is in CO – Gary Phillips and one is in MD – Greg Cole . Clearly, the MD office does not want my case but is stuck with me! Gregory Cole is the Special Offenders Specialist and knew Philip Berrigan and Jonah House very well.

The first sixty days there is no travel and because I refuse to pay any restitution or have someone pay in my name there will be no travel approval given outside the state of MD. Mr. Cole does not want to hear about any alternative restitution and understands my refusal based on war-making. So, the confinement space is beyond the Alderson prison gates and now includes the state of MD. Mr. Cole informed me that any decisionsin the future lie in the hands of Judge Blackburn.

Please visit the Jonah House web site www.jonahhouse.org for continual coverage and updates. The Baltimore Sun article on my homecoming, my words upon release and a new picture of Ardeth are the newest editions.

One of the most significant memories of this past week was a telephone conversation with Sister Marie Therese , an Iraqi Dominican sister speaking in the U.S. She spoke of the hope that our plowshares action gave the Iraqi sisters and thanked us for our sacrifice. With tears I assured her that our sacrifice was minimal compared to the far greater sacrifice the Iraqi people are suffering based on our occupation.

Many times a day the women I left behind come to mind. I hope they will forgive me for taking longer to do the things I promised to do for them but they will get done!

I found a wonderful little book on the Jonah House shelves, Journeys of Simplicity . It tells of forty travelers and the few, ordinary things they carried with them from place to place, day to day, birth to life.

In the introduction, Philip Harnden the Quaker author suggests we travel through life like a “single leaf.” He poses these questions for us to consider: Where do our journeys take us? What do we leave behind? What do we carry with us? How do we find the way? How do we live like a single leaf?

Very good questions for me to ponder these days and maybe for you as well.

As I left behind my favorite woodpeckers and beautiful flowers, I am getting to know the Jonah House cats, the llamas, and the goats. We also have beautiful red and gold Finches on the back porch. The garden is also growing.

As I attempt to live in the Eternal Now know that you each remain in my heart and prayer. As the French say, “Gratitude is a memory of the heart.” You are a deep memory in my heart these days.

My deepest gratitude and love,

Carol Gilbert , OP
1303 Moreland Ave.
Baltimore , MD 21216
(410) 233-6238  or (410) 233-4067